


To Those I've Loved Before

by felicityollies



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, High School
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-06-29 20:05:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15736440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felicityollies/pseuds/felicityollies
Summary: Felicity Smoak is invisible. She keeps to herself, does her school work, and is pretty much under the radar in every possible way. Felicity loves love, but has never been able to take that leap of faith to be with someone else. Instead, every time she has a crush on someone, she writes them a letter and hides it away. This was all working well for her until her letters were mysteriously mailed to each of her five crushes.based on the film: to all the boys i've loved before





	1. The Letters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, like practically everyone this weekend i watched to all the boys i’ve loved before and at the request of an anonymous persons on curiouscat i wrote this little au. i have not read the books, so forgive me on that.
> 
> also thank you to sara (gothsmoak) for reading through this and helping me out!
> 
> please enjoy!

  


Back to school again. Junior year. Nothing exciting about that. Felicity was ready to be done with high school and head off to college. She sighed, trudging down the hall in her favorite mary janes, a black and white plaid skirt which had been a fun find at a thrift store, and a yellow sweater. Her hair was pulled into a tight ponytail on top of her head. She pushed her glasses up her nose and hugged her trigonometry books to her chest.

Felicity kept her head down, trying to avoid contact with other students. She was good at being invisible. It was kind of her thing. No one really paid attention to the geek who spent too much time with her nose in her books.

She was good at being invisible… when she wasn’t running into other students.

“Watch it!”

Felicity stumbled backwards, but caught herself before she fell, “Sorry,” she muttered.

Her eyes met Helena Bertinelli’s and she immediately regretted her apology. The two had once been friends a long time ago. Middle school besties. Sleep overs, passed notes in class, and lunch time giggles, but that was once upon a time. When they started high school Helena became a popular cheerleader and left Felicity in the dust.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” Helena muttered, dragging her eyes over Felicity’s outfit.

Part of her missed the friendship they used to have. It wasn’t fair. Helena had been a nice girl, but popularity changed her.

“Whatever, Helena.”

“No, no, no, you obviously wanted to spend some time with me, let’s have a little chat,” she stood in Felicity’s way.

“What the hell do you want?”

Helena didn’t have a chance to answer when Iris swooped in. She wrapped her arm around Felicity’s waist and glared at Helena.

“Why don’t you back off?” Iris said.

Iris was popular in her own right, head of the yearbook committee and editor on the school paper, but she was one of the nicest people Felicity knew. She was also Felicity’s best friend.

“Please,” it was Helena rolled her eyes, “Why don’t you stay out of it?”

“What’s going on over here?” a familiar male voice interrupted.

Her gaze met the stunning blue hues of one Oliver Queen. The most popular boy in school and probably the prettiest. He wrapped his arms around Helena and kissed her cheek. Felicity swallowed thickly. It wasn’t just the blue eyes that made people take a second look at him. He was tall and muscular; he was on the lacrosse team and definitely worked out in his spare time. She could see it through his t-shirt. Was that shirt even the right size? Someone probably should have followed him around playing Sexy Back like it was his theme song. His smile was something else too, so bright. But there was a specific Oliver Queen smile she adored. When he smiled big enough to make his dimples pop; she hadn’t seen that smile in awhile, though. She had known Oliver since seventh grade; she’d always thought he was cute too. There was a strong possibility she once had a crush on him. It started when they were playing a game of spin the bottle.

* * *

_Felicity sat beside Helena in a small circle. The party was being held in Tommy Merlyn’s basement; his father was never home, so it was the perfect spot. Twelve years old, she sat there in her pigtails and big round glasses. Her hair was dark because she hadn’t started coloring it blonde yet, but she still dressed relatively the same._

_Oliver was seated across from her. Blue eyes sparkling as he smiled. She spun the bottle, watching it carefully. It spun and spun and spun and her heart pounded in her chest. Finally, it stopped. Her eyes followed the mouth of the bottle to a dimple-y Oliver Queen. She was about to lean forward when she felt a burning sensation in her side, the feeling of someone staring daggers._

_Helena was displeased._

_“I can spin again.”_

_“You can’t cheat the bottle,” Oliver said._

_Felicity shrugged, “Okay.”_

_She leaned forward and met Oliver’s lips for an innocent peck. Her heart burst in her chest. It lasted all of two seconds, but it was everything. His lips were soft and he smelled like cologne. Not that nasty axe body spray the other boys were always choking her with in the hallways._

_He sat back down and reached to spin the bottle. Felicity’s gaze fell on Helena. She was angrier than she had ever seen her before._

* * *

Maybe that was the beginning of the end of their relationship, but she didn’t really know. Felicity didn’t think about any of that anymore. It was such a long time ago. Oliver was Helena’s and that was that.

“We were just leaving,” Felicity said, grabbing Iris’ hand and leading her away from the popular couple.

“Oh...kay,” Oliver muttered.

“Don’t even bother looking their way, Ollie,” Helena huffed.

“You should really ignore her,” Iris said once they were a few feet down the hall.

Felicity nodded, “I know. It’s hard to do when I accidentally face plant into her.”

Iris shook her head, “Like you said, it was an accident. She thinks she owns this school,” she scoffed, “Just because her dad is some kind of mob boss.”

“What?” Felicity squeaked.

Iris laughed, waving her hand, “That’s just a rumor I heard. Maybe one day when I’m a real reporter I’ll get the actual scoop.”

“Or you’ll be sleeping with the fishes,” Felicity said in a mock Jersey accent.

They walked to home room together, still giggling quietly. She felt much better whenever she was around Iris. She didn’t have to think about anything else going on. Of course, she could always talk about her problems if she needed to. Her biggest problem at the moment was not Helena Bertinelli or Oliver Queen. No, it was the fact her older sister was leaving for Paris in a couple of days.

Laurel was technically her step-sister, but Felicity didn’t care for labels. What she cared about was that her older sister was leaving to go to some fancy school in France. Panthéon-Assas University was going to give her the law degree she was after, but why did it have to be so far away?

They were all supposed to have a big family dinner together, Felicity, Laurel, Sara who was the younger sister, Felicity’s mother Donna, and Laurel and Sara’s father, Quentin. Oh, and probably Laurel’s boyfriend Ray.

Felicity felt a little twinge in her chest every time she thought about Ray. He had been her first boyfriend. Well, her first boy who was a friend. They had lived next to each other for ages. He had been her best friend. Her first crush. But after her mother and Quentin got married and the girls moved in, Laurel set her sights on Ray. Who could blame her? He was the nice boy next door. Ray was kind, fun, and nerdy.

She shook her head. It wasn’t right for her to still think this way. Laurel _loved_ Ray and Ray loved Laurel.

* * *

“Are you sure you have to leave for Paris?” Sara asked from the far end of the dinner table.

“Yeah,” Ray added, “There’s lots of good law schools in the states.”

Laurel glared at both of them.

Ray ducked his head down and poked at his very dry chicken.

Felicity managed to swallow her piece of chicken, but followed it with a large drink of orange juice. Whoever thought it was a good idea to let her mother cook needed to be kicked in the shin.

“Now you two,” Quentin chimed in, “We’ve all had this discussion before, it’s Laurel’s decision.”

“Thank you, daddy.”

“We’re both so proud of you,” Donna’s lip trembled.

“Mom,” Felicity sighed, “Don’t cry _again_.”

“Yes, please don’t. You know I’ll call as much as I can.”

Donna nodded and sniffled.

Everyone was sad Laurel was leaving, but Donna was the only one really showing it. No one wanted to get all blubbery. Especially not at the dinner table.

Felicity’s eyes moved across the table towards Ray. He continued to poke his chicken. She felt bad for him. Laurel and Ray had been dating for two whole years. They loved each other so much and now she was leaving. Long distance relationships could work, but it still sucked for the both of them.

Dinner got really quiet. An awkward tension settled between all of them. It wasn’t like Donna to let any kind of quiet happen. It must be worse than she thought.

Sadness and worry sat in her chest. She wanted her family to stay together. Laurel could have gone to school in the states. Somewhere closer, but she was running off to exciting foreign countries. Felicity should be happy for her, but it wasn’t fair.

When dinner was over, Laurel took Ray outside for a _private conversation_. Felicity peaked out her bedroom window. It didn’t look pretty. There was yelling. Things she could hear, but they both looked upset. That poor boy. He deserved so much happiness and now his world was falling apart.

With a deep breath, she pulled away from the window and sat down to do something that she hadn’t done in a very long time. She was going to write a letter.

Whenever Felicity had a crush on someone, she wrote a letter. It was a way to get her feelings out. She had so many emotions sometimes, she didn’t know what to do with them. With her letters, she could let her feelings spill from her heart onto the paper. Her pen weaved words across the page, lifting some of the heaviness from her chest.

“ _Dear Ray Palmer_ ,” she wrote in big sweeping, curling letters.

She poured herself into the letter until she felt lighter, better, then tucked it away in an envelope. Felicity wrote his name and address on the envelope, but she would never dare send it. This letter was just for her.

Now there were five of these letters; Oliver with the beautiful eyes, Lena from space camp, Dinah from homecoming, Cooper from coding club, and Ray the boy next door. She tucked them away in an old lunch box made to look like R2D2.

There were times when she would pull the letters out and read them, to remind herself of these silly little crushes, but she didn’t have time to read them. Not when she heard footsteps nearing her room. She shoved Ray’s letter into the lunch box and stuffed it near her bed, hiding it with clothes.

“I broke up with Ray,” Laurel said, walking into her room.

Felicity looked up at her from the floor.

“What are you doing down there?”

“Cleaning,” she said hesitantly.

“No you weren’t.”

“You broke up with Ray,” Felicity said, standing up and brushing her clothes off, “Why?”

Laurel sat on the edge of her bed and sighed, “Because it was the right thing to do. We can’t do the long distance relationship thing.”

“Why?”

“It’s too complicated, besides… before my mom left, she always said not to let a boy distract me,” she gave a mild scoff, “And I shouldn’t. I should focus on school.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“But you love him.”

“I do, but it’s still the right thing to do,” Laurel rest her head on Felicity’s shoulder, “We’ll be okay,” she sniffled, “I’ll be okay.”

Felicity’s heart broke for both Laurel and Ray. She couldn’t believe this was happening, but she couldn’t change Laurel’s mind. It wasn’t her place to. Love was such a terrifying thing, she didn’t know how anyone did it. She didn’t exactly have the best examples of love. Her mother and father had ended terribly and now this. If this was one of the results. If heartbreak was so easy to come by, she didn’t think she ever wanted any part of it. She would happily stick to cheesy movies and romance novels. There was no need for her to put her heart on the line.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think!
> 
> tumblr & twitter: felicityollies


	2. Panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i ended up taking some time to read the first book... and now there might be some pieces of the book that end up in this fic because it was so good!! also i’m sorry that it took me so long to get back to this i was a busy bee doing other stuff too. anyway, enjoy!

The rest of the week went by too quickly. Much too quickly for Felicity’s taste. Before she knew it, she was standing in the airport early Saturday morning, seeing Laurel off. Her step-sister had been a figure in her life for almost ten years, it was strange to imagine her being gone. She didn’t want to imagine it. Laurel was her sister, blood related or not, and she didn’t want to think about her being so far away. It already hurt seeing her nearly empty room across from her own.

They had spent so many nights awake, talking, gossiping, and sharing secrets. Laurel had even been the one to help her learn to drive. Donna was too flighty to be of any help and Quentin was _not_ a good teacher. She and Laurel were just as much friends as they were sisters. She knew very well Laurel was simply going off to school, but a part of Felicity felt like she was being left behind. Again.

There was something unwelcoming about an airport. Everyone rushed around with someplace to be. Busy little robots moving from checkpoint to checkpoint, cold and calculating. Even the colors were unwelcoming; stark white and grey which reminded her of harsh metal. Who could feel warm in a place like this? She knew sometimes they were places of happy reunions, but that day it was a place of sorrowful goodbyes.

Everyone was dressed in their Sunday best, although Felicity felt like she were going to a funeral and not to temple. Quentin wore slacks, a button up shirt, and a blazer; it was probably the nicest thing she had ever seen him wear. Donna stood in a bright blue dress that was far too tight to be legal matched with heels that put her at Quentin’s height. Sara had been forced into a black dress, though she paired it with ratty chucks. Felicity had chosen one of her best blouses, one that Laurel told her made her look like an adult, a black pencil skirt, and Mary Janes; her hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail.

Laurel was the only one allowed to dress in something comfortable, but she was about to be on a very long flight, so jeans, a casual top, and sneakers were completely fair.

Felicity sighed heavily. It didn’t matter how great everyone looked, Laurel was leaving. She was going away. Why couldn’t they stop her? Convince her that it would be better for her to go to school in Washington.

Because _that_ would be unfair.

“Stop looking so sad, you’re making me not want to go,” Laurel said.

“Don’t lie,” Felicity mumbled, “You want to go more than anything.”

Her older sister sighed, “You’re right, but I still don’t want to see you sad.”

“Don’t be sad, Lis,” Sara muttered, bumping her hip, “The house will be much quieter without her nagging.”

Laurel glared at the fifteen-year-old, but Sara just gave her a big grin.

“Not today, girls,” Quentin said.

“I don’t have time to argue anyway,” Laurel continued, “My flight leaves soon.”

“Have fun,” Donna hugged Laurel tightly.

“Not too much fun,” Quentin added.

Felicity hugged her next, holding on as tight as she could. “You better be back for Hanukkah.”

“I’ll do what I can.” Laurel hugged her back just as tight.

Sara begrudgingly hugged her sister, though Felicity knew Sara was going to miss Laurel. The younger Lance girl wasn’t as good at showing emotions as some people.

Only moments later, Felicity was watching Laurel leave. She walked away from them without looking back; she entered the security check and disappeared from view. That was it. She was gone and they wouldn’t see her again until the holidays rolled around. Donna and Quentin were sniffling behind her, but she was doing her best to keep it together.

Suddenly the airport felt even colder than before.

* * *

They stood in the airport for what seemed like an eternity. It was only when Sara started to complain when they slowly shuffled back out to the car. Quentin drove a burgundy SUV with enough room for everyone. Felicity and Sara climbed into the backseat and buckled up. Despite herself, Felicity began to sniffle. Hot tears welled up in her eyes, but she tried to blink them back.

“Dude,” Sara mumbled.

Felicity sniffled again and turned towards the window.

Without saying anything else, Sara reached for her hand and squeezed gently. She would probably never admit it if Felicity ever told anyone, but Sara held her hand for the entire drive home. It was the kind of comfort she needed right then.

She wondered why Sara always hid this soft side of her.

* * *

At home things were quiet. Too quiet. Quentin and Donna had gone to work and Sara went out with her friends. Felicity was left alone on the couch, feeling pathetic. What the hell was she supposed to do now? Nothing seemed appealing, not her current coding project or any of her books, not any of the series she was currently watching, or the last bits of remaining homework she had to do.

She didn’t _need_ anyone to have fun; she never had and yet here she was a lonely loser with nothing to do.

“C’mon, Felicity,” she whined, sliding off the couch and onto the floor.

A knock at the door startled her.

She glanced towards it and frowned. No had told her they were expecting anyone. She certainly wasn’t. Another quick knock pushed her to her feet.

“Coming,” she called.

Felicity looked through the peephole and startled again. Ray was standing on the other side of the door, looking adorable as always. His dark hair was a mess in his face and he wore his usual jeans that seemed a size too big, a t-shirt with a silly science pun, white nikes, and a blue hoodie. Her heart pounded in her chest. What was he doing here? He and Laurel had just broken up, but she supposed that didn’t mean he couldn’t come over. Ray was still her friend. Her mind flashed to the letter she had just written him and she swallowed thickly. She didn’t feel that way towards him anymore. That was the point of the letters.

Those crushes, _those feelings_ , overtook her and when she wrote a letter she exercised those feelings as if they were demons wrapped around her heart.

“Felicity?” Ray knocked again.

She swung the door open mid-knock. “Sorry.”

He gave her that charming, goofball grin she loved. “S’all right.”

“What are you doing here?”

His smile faltered just slightly. “I was wondering if you wanted to hang out?”

She didn’t know if that was a good idea. It wasn’t that there were feelings, that was over and done with, she was sure if it. But the breakup was so fresh.

“We don’t have to,” he continued after Felicity didn’t say anything. “I mean if you don’t want to hang out anymore.” He rubbed his neck awkwardly.

She felt a pang in her stomach. “It’s not that. I was… I was just leaving.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” She snatched her purse from the table beside the door along with Laurel’s car keys.

Now that she was in Paris the car was kind of Felicity’s. The only problem was, she hated driving. Laurel had been a good teacher, but Felicity was a nervous driver. Sara accused her of driving like an old woman; ten miles below the speed limit and as carefully as humanly possible.

“You’re driving somewhere?” He eyed the keys in her hand.

“Yes,” she snapped.

Ray held up his hands in surrender. “Okay. Uh I’ll just be home if you have time later. I thought we could continue our Game of Thrones marathon.”

That did sound fun, but now she was already in deep with her lie. She had to leave or she would look like an asshole.

“Yeah, maybe later.” She smiled.

“Cool.” He stood there awkwardly for a moment before starting off back towards his house.

Felicity grabbed her house keys and locked the door. She glanced towards Ray’s house as he entered. He gave her a small wave goodbye, which she returned. She turned her gaze towards the car and sighed. This was stupid. She should just go over to Ray’s house. She had nowhere to go. 

Still, she climbed into the front seat and forced herself to start the car. Laurel’s car was a sensible one. Small, good on gas mileage, and cute too. It was powder blue, the kind that sparkles when the sun hits it just right, and the interior was a soft grey. The car was nice and the last thing she wanted to do was wreck it.

“I can drive alone, it’ll be fine.”

Felicity’s heart rate picked up again. Damn anxiety. She clenched her hands a couple of times, hoping to keep them from shaking. She gripped the gear shift and slid it carefully into reverse. One thing she wasn’t very good at was using her mirrors or really looking away from in front of her at all. Felicity took a deep breath and forced herself to turn around to look behind her. No one was coming.

She slowly rolled backwards onto the street and slid the gear shift into drive. So far so good.

“Where am I going?” she asked the air, “The mall? Yes, okay. The mall I can do.” 

She had some semblance of an idea of how to get to the mall. All she needed to do was figure out how to get to the highway.

Felicity drove for what seemed like a good twenty minutes before she realized she was lost. She had not made it to the highway and she was starting to worry she had no idea where she was. All the houses looked the same. She knew they weren’t, but she was panicking. As much as she hated it, she needed to find a landmark or something. Tilting her head, she tried to see a street sign, anything that would tell her where she was.

When she looked back to the road ahead of her, an SUV appeared in front of her. With a yelp, she slammed on the breaks, but it was too late. She hit the back of the car. The airbags went off. It hit her in the face, smashing her glasses roughly into her skin. She sat there in shock. Her breathing became heavy almost to the point of hyperventilating. Tears welled up in her eyes and her hands shook. With effort, she shoved the gear shift into the park.

As she slid out of the car, a man came towards her. He was taller than her, bulkier too. Anger radiated off of him. He stood in front of her, six foot something, balding, and menacing. A cigarette hanging out of his mouth.

“I’m… I’m sorry,” she whimpered.

He pulled the cigarette from his mouth and eyed her for a moment. Smoke blew into her face, making her cough. Her gaze moved from him to the two vehicles. The two bumpers were damaged and the hood on Laurel’s car was bent. Smoke was coming off her car as well. She got the worst of it out of the two.

He grunted. “Whatever, kid. Let’s just forget it.”

Felicity nodded as tears rolled down her cheeks. The man got back into his shiny black SUV and drove off. She got back into hers, but the only thing she could do was pull over to the side so she was out of the way. She stumbled out of the vehicle and sat on the grass with her purse in her lap. Her entire body trembled. She tried to figure out how to breathe again, but it wasn’t coming to her.

She fumbled to find her phone in her bag and pulled up the only name she could think of. “R-ray?” she cried when he answered the phone.

“Felicity, what happened?”

“I got into a car accident.”

“Are you okay?”

She sobbed into the phone.

“Tell me where you are.”

She looked around for the elusive street sign. “Adams.” She looked to the house behind her. “1800 and Adams.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” 

They hung up.

Felicity bent her knees, pulling her legs close to her body. She cried and let her body shake. She was so stupid. If she had just stayed and hung out with Ray none of this would have happened. She cried until she didn’t have any tears left in her. Her face was streaked with tears and her nose was snotty. She sniffled and wiped her face on her sleeve. Thankfully, she was beginning to calm down. 

“Smoak?” 

She looked up to see Oliver Queen’s black Audi. 

He leaned over the passenger seat and looked to her. “Are you okay?” 

She shook her head; she was afraid of opening her mouth and crying again. Oliver pulled his car in front of hers and parked. He stepped out of his car and walked around. Oliver looked like a dream as always. She didn’t even like him, but she could admit that he was pretty to look at. Pretty in his perfectly fitting jeans and red and black plaid shirt, sleeves rolled up to the elbows. His hair was always messy, but messy in a way that looked like it was done purposefully. 

“What happened?” 

She swallowed thickly. “I...I didn’t see the car in time,” she whispered. 

“Did you exchange information? Or call a tow truck?” 

She shook her head. 

He sat down beside her. “Do you want me to call someone for you?” 

Felicity kept her eyes forward. She wondered why he was being so nice to her. He had a girlfriend he should be hanging out with. She was suspicious, but still appreciated it. 

“Can you call a tow truck?” she asked quietly. 

“Sure.” Oliver pulled out his own cell phone. 

It was only a couple minutes later that he was done and a tow truck would be on its way. 

“Do you want me to stay with you?” 

“You don’t have to. Someone is coming to get me.” 

“Okay,” he said slowly. “Hey, I wanted to say I’m sorry for the way Helena was acting.” 

“You don’t have to apologize for her. That’s not your job.” 

“I know.” 

“Then why are you doing it?” 

He shrugged his shoulders. 

Felicity wiped her eyes again. She wanted to ask him why he was even dating her, but she restrained herself. 

“I do have to go,” he said, standing up. 

“Meeting your girlfriend?” She looked up to meet his gaze for the first time since he’d arrived. 

“Yeah.” 

They looked at each other for a long moment. 

“Get home safe, Smoak.” 

“Thanks, Queen.” 

Felicity watched him drive away and sighed. Somehow spending time with him had helped calm her down further. He got her mind off of the car at least for a couple minutes. Now that he was gone, though her gaze moved back to the car in question. She closed her eyes and shook her head. Quentin was going to kill her. Donna was going to smother her. Sara would probably laugh. 

“Felicity.” Ray’s voice pulled her from her thoughts. 

He parked where Oliver had just been. 

“Thank god, I was so worried about you.” He came around and stood in front of her. “Do you need to call anyone else?” 

“No, a tow truck has already been called.” 

“Good. We should wait for them. Then I’ll take you home.” 

“Thank you.” 

“No worries.” He sat down beside her. “You want me to be there when you tell your parents?” 

She sighed and shook her head. “I should do it on my own.” 

“Okay.” 

They sat there on the grass in quiet and somewhat awkward silence. She could feel that things had changed between them. It wasn’t just the breakup, it was because of her. She had changed everything without meaning to. 

“Just because Laurel and I aren’t together anymore… it doesn’t mean we can’t be friends anymore… right?” he asked her quietly. 

She gave him a side glance. “Right.” 

_Right._


	3. The End of The World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're gettin' to the good stuff

Felicity thought she was going to be grounded for a year. Two years even. Instead, she received the disappointed sigh and grimace from Quentin and Donna smothered her in hugs in kisses. Donna was more worried about Felicity being hurt than anything else. The damage to the car was minimal. It would only take a week or two to fix and then the car would be back in their possession. In the meantime, Donna had offered up her car on the days she didn’t work, so Felicity could continue to practice. Her mother looked so earnest it was hard to say no to her.

She would have rather they’d been angry with her.

“You’re not going to die,” Sara said, sliding into the passenger seat of the small sporty red car.

It wasn’t expensive, but that didn’t mean Felicity wanted to be in it.

“We could both die.” She sat there gripping the wheel tight enough to turn her knuckles white.

She was scared. Panicked even. The accident happened less than two days ago and she was already getting behind the wheel of a car. There was something seriously wrong with that. She and Sara should be on the bus. Felicity swallowed down the nauseating anxiety and willed her heart to calm. She couldn’t get them to school if she felt like her heart was going to burst out of her chest. God, her palms were sweaty and her hands were shaky too.

“You’re a worrywart.”

She felt nervous when she was alone, but she felt better when she was with someone else. Less so when it was Sara. Her younger sister was a terrible backseat driver.

“I should make you wear a helmet,” Felicity mumbled.

The drive to school was a long and slow one. She stayed a few miles under the speed limit and carefully edged her way into another lane every time there was a lane change necessary. Felicity managed not to get honked at, but Sara complained the entire time. She slid into a parking spot with no other cars around and shut off the engine with a sigh of relief.

“Wow… I’m eighty-nine years old.”

“Shut up,” Felicity groaned.

Sara exited the car, heading off towards the school and her friends. Felicity sat there for a moment longer, collecting herself. She finally slid from her seat and stood outside the car. Her fingers moved over her black and yellow plaid skirt, smoothing out the edges. She tugged at her yellow cardigan nervously, trying to decide whether or not she wanted it buttoned all the way up to cover her white blouse or if the blouse was cute enough on its own. She should have decided this at home.

Why was she suddenly nervous about this too?

Felicity looked down at her knee-highs and Mary Janes, but just shook her head. The anxiety from driving was seeping into other parts of her life. She didn’t care what people thought about what she wore, she never had. Without another thought, she grabbed her backpack out of the backseat and headed off towards the school.

Iris waited for her by the door. She always looked perfect like she was already a star reporter somewhere. That particular day, she met Felicity wearing a black skirt, teal blouse, and the kind of pumps that said she meant business.

“You look like you’re going to a meeting.”

“I have a meeting with the yearbook committee today,” Iris said matter-of-factly.

“Already?”

She nodded. “I also have to see Mr. Jamison about the school newspaper. He is supposed to be choosing chief editor-”

“And you’re at the top of the list.”

Iris beamed.

Felicity held out her arm for Iris. They linked together, entering the school together. Down the hall they went towards their lockers. Everyone was in their little groups of friends or coupled off, plastered against the walls until they were forced to part for class. Her eyes found Oliver among his little group of lacrosse buddies, but she noted a distinct lack of girls. She flicked her gaze down the hall and found Helena with her little clique.

“Oh,” Iris said in her excited gossip voice, “They broke up over the weekend.”

“What?” Felicity squeaked.

“She’s dating some college boy now.”

“Holy crap.”

“Do you think she was cheating on him?” Iris whispered the question.

“I don’t know,” Felicity swallowed. “They’ve been together forever.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

The bell rang and everyone scattered, running towards their respective classes.

“I’ll see you later,” Iris said.

“See you.”

* * *

School dragged on for endless hours. Felicity was usually one to like school. She was smart and enjoyed being able to lose herself in her homework and studies. That day, she found herself bored and uninterested. Her mind wandered constantly. She worried about having to get into the car again when she left school. She wondered about the drama between Oliver and Helena; it was pretty much the only thing anyone was talking about. She wondered what Laurel was up to and what she would think of Felicity’s terrible driving.

Oh crap. She hadn’t even thought to tell Laurel about what happened to the car and it was Laurel’s freaking car.

She held back a groan and hid her face in her AP Physics book.

There was no way she could tell Laurel.

When the final bell rang, she immediately left the school and climbed into her mother’s car. She had to wait several minutes for her sister to arrive. Sara sauntered up, her torn up jeans somehow covered in even more sharpie than they were before. She zipped up her black hoodie that wasn’t hers over her tank top and climbed into the passenger seat. Sara propped her chucks up on top of the dash and Felicity smacked them down.

“You know the rules.”

“Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.”

Felicity rolled her eyes and started to back out of her parking spot. Something smacked against her back window and she slammed on the breaks.

She sat their frozen in fear. Her fingers gripped the wheel tighter than before. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see someone approach her window. She peeled her fingers off the wheel and rolled down the window.

“You know, people usually look before they start backing up,” Oliver Queen said with an amused smile as he leaned down, resting his arms in her window. “Trying to wreck another car?”

Felicity scowled at him. “No. I’m just not good at using my mirrors.”

“Hey, no need to bite my head off,” he teased.

“I’m sorry for almost running you over,” she mumbled as she sank lower into her seat.

This was so embarrassing. He literally saw her wreck her sister’s car two days ago and then she almost ran his butt over.

“It’s okay, just be more careful next time, Smoak,” he gave that oh so charming grin.

She would not be swayed by Oliver Queen’s charms.

He pulled back and waved at Sara before turning to leave. Sara was giggling in her seat.

“Shut up, Sara.”

“I’m not doing a damn thing.” 

Felicity muttered to herself as she carefully backed out this time. She took her sweet time getting home, but received less complaints from Sara. Felicity would have rather had the complaints.

“He was cute.”

“He’s okay.”

“Oliver Queen, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I heard he’s newly single.”

“I heard he’s newly I don’t care.”

Sara laughed. “C’mon, you need a boyfriend… or girlfriend.”

“I don’t.”

“You spend too much time in your room on your computer.”

“I don’t.”

“You know I cancelled plans to spend time with you tonight.”

Felicity tried to keep herself from pouting. She liked movie nights with Sara, but they were becoming few and far between. Sara had a social life and Felicity did not. It wasn’t that Felicity couldn’t have a social life it was that she was happier cooped up in her room. There were times when she went to the mall with Iris or she spent the night at the West household, but Iris was becoming so busy with her extracurriculars and getting ready for college, Felicity felt like she should stay out of the way. Then there was Barry, but she didn’t want to get into that. Before Laurel left, Felicity spent a lot of time with her and Ray. It was sad, really. She was the biggest third wheel in history, but both Laurel and Ray tried to make her feel welcome and not like a third wheel. She had been friends with Ray long before Laurel had any interest in him, so they didn’t want anything to change.

Look how well that went.

Felicity’s social life was virtually nonexistent at this point. But she did not want to be in a relationship.

* * *

“You fell asleep during Sixteen Candles?” Iris teased as they jogged down the school’s track.

“I did. I feel like an old woman, but to be fair I only picked that movie to annoy Sara.”

Iris laughed.

Felicity panted and slowed her pace. Gym was her worst subject. She had tried everything in her very limited power to convince the principal she didn’t need six credits worth of gym classes to graduate, but there was not luck to be had. She hated it. She hated everything about it from the activities, to the sweat, and the clothes. Felicity wore a green Starling High t-shirt and black capri yoga pants with some of the rattiest sneakers. Her glasses kept slipping down her nose due to the sweat.

“This is punishment,” she muttered.

“Well, yeah. You know schools cut funding in other areas in favor of things like gym and sports because the games bring in money and donations. Our education doesn’t actually matter.”

“One day you’re going to bring the education system to justice.”

She gave a smug grin.

“Smoak!”

Felicity nearly tripped.

Oliver ran up to her. “I need to talk to you.” He eyed Iris. “Alone.”

“Fine.” Iris ran ahead.

Felicity moved off to the side off the track, so she could speak to Oliver. She had no idea what he could want. She hadn’t done anything to him that day. Not that she was aware of. She stood in front of him, her eyes moved over Oliver. He looked stupidly good as always in his pale blue polo and jeans. Her gaze froze on his hand. He held an envelope. A very familiar envelope.

She suddenly felt very ill.

“I got this in the mail this morning.” He raised up the letter. “And I’m flattered but…” His words became nothing but a hum.

Oliver had his letter. The letter she wrote to him back in the eighth grade. The world around began to spin; the edges of her vision blurred until everything went black.

When she blinked her eyes open, she met the beautiful blue hues of Oliver Queen. He looked down at her with a worried expression.

“Are you okay?”

“What happened?” she asked, her voice sounding a little slurred.

“You fainted.”

“Okay.”

“Can you sit up?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Felicity slowly started to sit up. Her gaze moved over Oliver’s shoulder and she saw Ray, heading in their direction; in his hands was a letter.

“Shit,” she hissed.

“What?”

She grabbed onto Oliver’s shirt, gripping him roughly and slamming her lips into his. Ray could not think that she liked him. Ray was Laurel’s. He couldn’t think that Felicity would betray her sister like that. He couldn’t think there were any feelings there at all it would complicate things further than they already were, so she kissed Oliver with everything that she had. She rolled him onto the ground, using the fact he was shocked to her advantage.

Surprisingly, he kissed her back. He pressed up into the kiss and his hand went to the back of her head.

It was like he couldn’t help himself.

“Hey, you kids!” Coach Wilson yelled. “Get off each other.”

“Sorry,” she sputtered, pulling back.

Felicity pushed herself to her feet, snatching the letter from Oliver’s hand, and quickly turned towards the parking lot. She ran as fast as her legs would carry her. Felicity Smoak had never skipped school before, but she was about to skip her last two classes. There was no way she could stay there. She and Sara had taken the bus that day, but she didn’t care. Felicity ran and ran until she reached her house.

Stumbling inside, she dragged herself upstairs to her room. She had to know how they got the letters. Where was her lunch box? She tore her room apart looking for the damned R2D2 lunch box but it was nowhere to be found. Panic rose in her chest. She knew her family had been taking things to the Goodwill now that Laurel was gone. Fall cleaning, her mother had called it. But could someone have gone into her room, seen her old lunch box, and decided to throw it into a Goodwill box?

She didn’t have any other explanation.

Her five letters had been sent out. Five personal letters. Five love letters that were never meant to be seen.

“Oh no,” she whispered, tears welling up in her eyes, “Oh god.”

Oliver Queen, Ray Palmer, Dinah Drake, Cooper Seldon, and Lena Luthor now knew the depths of the feelings she once had for them.


End file.
